Sunday, May 28, 2006

 

A Life of Journey

It's late at night. I just got back from an extended trip to Wisconsin. I decided to not even un-pack my bag, as tomorrow I hit the road for North Port, FL. It's only about an hour away, but I decided to take a hotel so that I won't be in a hurry to leave and have time to fellowship afterwards. I have the privilege of speaking to about 50-80 precious souls in the youth group there.

For about a month, I have been on the road. Even my time back in Florida has been at least in part on the road. There is much to reflect on, much in me that I wish to review and bring myself before an altar. I am a bit worn, a bit tired. I'm drawn to contemplation upon that setting in me. I believe that the Lord has graciously given me a chance to "turn up the heat" a bit in the ministry He gave me. What I mean is, He spoke clearly into my heart recently, "Son, I want you to learn to pray with your eyes open." I knew what He meant. For so long, I have isolated each part of my life, saying that this compartment here is my ministry time and season, and this time over there is my prayer time. Now, Pappa God is teaching me that I must not make my walk a kitchen cupboard. I can't look at the bread He gives as part flour, and part wheat, it is the mixture that makes it what it truly is and is meant to be. Bread is bread, it is not flour, it is not wheat, in and of itself. Similarly, I am to walk in a mixture of prayer and ministry.

You see, sometimes I just want to be tucked under a blanket and pretend that I am invisible. Sometimes I have stood in front of people and while there, I noticed that I could feel the Holy Spirit burning in my heart to the point where my temperature was raised and my heart rate increased. Sometimes I suppose that would be a cut-off point for many. But for me, being in that place of anointed ministry made me want to leave the place of the public and learn what He was talking about with secret rewards and hidden treasures. You always wonder what those intercessors see, what those prophets hear, and it draws us because God left them on earth to be His arrow to His path. So in that place of public ministry, I have retreated. I have surrendered it to the Lord. Sometimes, I have said to Him, "Lord, I'll give you my schedule. Let me live in a cabin for a month. Give me a year where I do nothing but pray and seek You." Yet that night I had a dream where I saw the Church, and as I stood before men, a room of people were full of His tears and so was I. I felt that was my call to continue to speak to the Church and to make disciples.

So tomorrow, I hope to hang out with my Jesus. As I do, I want to see men come alive, I want to see daughters healed, I want to see disciples hear that they are called, they have something that our Father wants to use them for. A buddy of mine, Will, is going to be on the road with me. It should be fun.

I pray we all walk in that mixture, where we do not do ministry without an anointing, but we also do not seek the anointing and sit on our rear ends and do nothing with it; making the Holy Spirit within us confined to the t.v. screen we watch, or the saved people we click with. I pray that He would be able to go out into the world, as we, the jars, pour Him. We can't be empty, we must be full; yet we can't be full and not exercise, we'll get fat. God help me and help us to fulfill the call.

until later...hope to write soon of what has happened this month...be blessed!
Nate

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