find the forgotten

In a place of desperation. I've learned what fire is for...
Here in SA they've got a weird practice during winter. It's weird to our custom, but actually it's more economical. Rather than paying large sums of money to mow grass along interstate or rural roads, they start this huge bush fires. Driving around at night, it can be a sadistically beautiful site. I look outside the window of my truck, and there are fields ablaze...

As I contemplated the imagery, I thought of what you might be thinking-- "fields ablaze." Yes, it was a spiritual foreshadow for me, too as I thought of my hopes to see such a thing parellel to the mission field, and such a thing take place in the fire of the Spirit as He spreads across men who welcome Him. Here is the kicker...this was tough for me to fully grab...but fields burn best when they are dry...oooohhh...they don't burn their grass fields in Africa during the Summer or Spring, but during Winter...what does that mean??? Dry??? That doesn't sound like a spiritual trophy to me...dry?? I can almost feel this one...in my own heart, my own spirit, I feel dry at times...I feel like a great thing has been emptied from me, as if I'm a tree trunk chopped down from it's heighth and being remade again...

We sing, "let Your fire come" and I don't think we realize that when we sing that we are not asking for Holy Ghost goose-bumps but for a rude awakeninig and a cry for deep holiness with a removal of flesh (things we like sometimes gotta go.) Do I really want God's fire? Do I really want the fields ablaze? I've asked for it and have planted with weaping more than I can count or measure or try to brag or doubt...I've earnestly thougt or wished on fire...but have I really wanted the dryness? Have I really wanted the Winter season? I hate my "Winter" seasons. I've seen several cycles these last 4 years of my frienship with Jesus. I've seen this little sees take root during my "Springtime", and wash down warm rain waters and collect warm sunlight...I've then extended my branches and come fully alive during "summers" and then at the peak of long days and beautiful heat I collect the harvest...then a cold wind comes to me giving me direction, changing the color of my leaves, but a break from the heat doesn't sound bad and I enjoy the Fall....but then, the death of Winter grabs me, it suffocates my life with short days, no growth, and a long waiting endurance for summer again...

I've asked for fire but the things that have to hurt me and make me dry absolutely suck. I hate them. But the phsical gives away a tiny hidden pearl of the Kingdom out in the field, worth selling everything for...fields burn during Winter...the dry burn the best...O God, I pray we may grab this...what am I saying...Father help ME to grab this...help me to welcome the true fire, and warrant the ability to allow Your fields to burn with a Holy passion...in the moments where I am unholy, burn me, make me dry to my passions for earth, entertainment, my own pleasure, give me a Kingdom heart, a true selfless passion to not care for myself more than for my neighbor...

Well, I still haven't done much for the Kingdom, but I am in prayer, and desring to know God so that He can do it...so far I'm just a big talker, so don't worry this entry still sounds bigger than what I've really done...be blessed, Nate